last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
