Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
