Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
