Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
