i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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