is your mom at the bar?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
