i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
