she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
