It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize