it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
