i think my tv is drunk
If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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