Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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