Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
