if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
