Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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