Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
