Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
the night ended with taco bell and tears
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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