There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
