what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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