After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
