some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
