i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
