he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she looked like the before picture.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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