he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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