If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
