If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
