Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
