I'm jealous of your bromance
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
