thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
