Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
