Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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