Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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