My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
