They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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