I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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