I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
