my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
