would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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