My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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