And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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