You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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