I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
