Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize