Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
