I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
