hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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