Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
