He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
