apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
