do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
