My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My orgasm happened in two different decades
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
