I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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