i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
