She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
