when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
