I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
