My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
