You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
