i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
