Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
