Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
