R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
