His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
