I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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