Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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