I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Randomize
