You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
