If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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