dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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