you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
