The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
