a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
