never play flip cup with pint glasses
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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