Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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