At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Randomize
