he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
