The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
