I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
