i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
