after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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