She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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